This to the guy that molested me...
A few years ago I was a reasonably happy high school student, in my senior year, working evenings as a gas station attendant. I was eighteen so I was able to work later at night. I had a dark secret. I was seriously attracted to men. I was strong, athletic and hung but I had never yet had sex with another guy. Mostly afraid of being "outed" by someone, I suppose. I was good at sports especially gymnastics and wrestling. I actually placed in the state finals in wrestling. Handsome and strong I had my choice of any of the girls I wanted so keeping my secret was not that hard.

One night, while working at the gas station, I was robbed at gunpoint. The guy was so scared that I could feel him trembling as he pressed the loaded, cocked revolver against the back of my head as he ordered me to open the cash drawer. I fully expected him to kill me after getting the money and maybe before because he was shaking so badly he could pull the trigger at any moment by accident. I got the drawer open and he forced me into the back room and into the restroom. He told me not to try to get out for an hour or he would kill me. He tipped a file cabinet over against the door to keep me from getting out of the door, and left.

I heard him drive off and climbed out of the window, called the police and waited.

While the police were there, another man, who had talked with me several times before, stopped in because of all the police cars there. He had talked about my schoolwork, which I did while waiting for customers, and my drawings, which were mostly of men in various fighting scenes. He was friendly but not obviously dangerous. He came in and asked what had happened. I told him about the robbery. My boss told me that I could leave early if I wanted to and this other guy offered to take me home. I was still quite shaken by the robbery so I gladly accepted his offer. After I got into his car, he said "How about stopping at my house for some coffee or something to calm down some." He said that it might help to talk things over to get it off my chest. Like an idiot, I accepted his offer.

When we got to his house we went inside and I was impressed by his collection of guns, knives, and swords. He made coffee and we went into his living room to talk. His conversation gradually changed from talk about the robbery to general chit-chat and then to more personal things. Part of the problem of being "hung" is that it is hard to conceal. He started talking about girls, dating and sex. I listened and tried to sound interested. His conversation switched to me. He told me that I was a real knockout for the girls and that I needed to let the girls see my package - show it off more. I started getting uncomfortable with that suggestion, not sure where he was going with it.

Then he brought out his magazines. Nudist pictures. Men and women wandering about completely naked. Now he had my attention. I was trying to act interested in the women but some of those men...

Then it happened. He suggested that I let him adjust my package for the fullest effect. I refused to let him at first but he pulled one of his knives out and laid it on the couch on the other side of himself from me. He never said anything about the knife but I got the message.
He tried to talk me into screwing him in the ass but I was too nervous and afraid of him to do anything like that. He ended up giving me a blowjob and forcing me to jerk him off at the same time. I had never had any sex with another man and this guy was almost enough to drive me straight.

He came around a few nights later at the gas station to "apologize" and see how I was doing. I gave him some short answers and told him to leave. When I was taking the deposit to the bank
later that night, he followed me to the bank and again showed me his knife, forced me into his car and back to his house. The second time was a real horror. Much worse than the first time.

I called the police later but they told me that I was going to have to swear out statements, complaints, and testify in court. I was dumb enough to chicken out because of fear of being outed, or for that matter even being in the news as having been raped by a scumbag like him.

Years afterward I wish I had the guts at the time to get him locked up, and I have to wonder how many other kids he had done that to, before me, and after me. How many kids had to suffer because I never said anything. If I had been under eighteen when that happened to me, he would have gone to jail after my call to the police that night. If. Being of "legal age" I had to prove that I did not give consent to him. - How do you do that???

There are a lot of predators out there looking for young, naive and vulnerable kids to prey on. It is already too late for me and for many like me. Don't carry this secret any longer.

Tell your story.